The Skinny on Me

I haven’t written in a while, and when I do, it’s sporadic at best. To say that it’s been hard getting back into the dieting mindset since the holidays is the understatement of the year (yes, the year, even though we’ve barely even seen a 12th of it so far). 

It’s been hard. 

Thursday, I just gave up. I ate bagels. I ate Five Guys and Fries. I ate cereal. I ate, and then I ate some more. Though, in all fairness, I like to think that I was making up for the fact that I wasn’t eating Sat - Wednesday thanks to some unknown stomach ailment. Self-pitying reasons aside, having an off day was a good reset. 

It allowed me to eat the crap I wanted, and for once, I wasn’t saying “no” then turning around to eat something else that I shouldn’t. 

Even with my less-than-paleo dieting of late, I have great news — fantastic news. News that brought tears to my eyes (I’m not kidding either). 

Bracing myself for horrible news, I stepped on the scale to see just how much work needed to be done to get back on track. To my surprise, I’d lost weight — not gained. To my even greater surprise, I weighed in under 160. I weighed in at 159.6, which means *drumroll* (though it technically won’t be official until Wednesday) I’m in the 150s. 

 I haven’t seen the 150s in what seems like forever, and it’s been daunting  me for the last year. I get close, then gain a little weight. Then I get close again. And repeat. 

But this time, I did it! And it’s the kick I needed to get back on track! Move over, cereal bowl — I’m making paleo almond pancakes for breakfast with berries on top!

I’ve been meaning to post an update since Wednesday. Obviously, I did a good job with that (not). 

Tomorrow’s Wednesday… which mean’s this little post could soon be made null and void. BUT… I was just so excited:

• SW: 176
• LWIW: 169.5 (Nov. 28)
• CW: 162.7
• Difference: -6.8
• Total: -13.3

Boo-fuckin-yah! 

How, you ask? Why, paleo, of course! I’ve known for a while that I only really lose weight when I cut out the processed carbs. I’ve been doing it for about two weeks, and (as you can see) it’s been working! 

Here’s what I’ve made in the past two weeks:

• Turkey/Beef Meatballs
• Mashed Cauliflower
• Prosciutto-Wrapped Tilapia
• Turkey Sausage Mc-Almond-Muffins
• Almond Muffins
• Butter and Olive Oil Baked Salmon

Lot’s of yummies. I need to try the mashed cauliflower again because I don’t think I steamed it quite well enough yesterday. Regardless, it still turned out yesterday. The Prosciutto-Wrapped Tilapia was AMAZING! Just wrap a fillet in a slice or two of prosciutto and cook on each side until prosciutto begins to brown. DELICIOUS. 

Do you ever seem to go about life narrating it in your head as you go? I do sometimes. Now is one of those times. It intensifies the more disconnected I get, especially when I go on a reading binge. 

I ordred a Kindle yesterday, so we can only imagine how this is going to continue on. 

Where, oh where, have I been, you ask?

Avoiding. Hiding. Living. Busy. I could go on and on. 

But I’m here now. So that’s got to count for something, right?

I suppose I should start with yesterday’s WIW:

• SW: 176
• LWIW: 166.9 (Aug. 8)
• CW: 168
• Difference: +1.1
• Total: -8

On the surface (or anyway you look at it, I guess), that’s not so good. The number should be staying the same or going down. In the past three months, I’ve ran two half-marathons. Yea, I finally did it, but what do I have to show for it? Nothing. 

Well, the medals, and I do love the medals.

I’m running two more in 2013 — the Nashville Rock n’ Roll and the Seattle Rock n’ Roll. I’m thinking I might do the Chicago Half Marathon too; the one in September, not over the summer. 

Then, in September (I think), I’ll pull the plunge and run the full thing. That’s right, I’ve finally added 26.2 miles to my bucket list. I’m thinking Montreal in September will look lovely that time of year, don’t you?

In the mean time, I want need to lose weight. I can’t run 168 lbs across the finish line. I also want to work on getting my times down for the half. I’d like to see them below 2:30 for starters.

Chicago Monster Dash — Oct. 21, 2012 — 2:36:32 (PR)Nashville Half Marathon — Nov. 10, 2012 — 2:43:28**

** I obvs didn’t train for the hills, but it’s still relatively close to my half the few weeks before, so I’ll take it! 

Otherwise (she writes), what have I been up too? Avoiding. 

I’m avoiding the truth, I think. I don’t like it here as much as I’d thought I would, as much as I’d hoped I would. I’m starting to hoard exit plans, ranking them as I go along. I’m up to three now:

1. Embarking on a cross-country blogging project
2. Teaching English in South Korea
3. Moving to my work’s San Fran office

At this point, they all have their up and downs. Moving. Distance. Commitment. They’re all in varying stages of research and planning (yes, I plan for things that never end up happening). I’m also waiting to hear about a job. I’m two one-and-a-half (phone interviews don’t count as an actual interview, do they?) interviews in and waiting to hear back about a possible third. Wish me luck. 

I guess you never know where you’re going. In two months, I could be here, there, anyway. It’s frightening. It’s exciting. I do love the thrill of traveling, the thrill of new experiences. I’m a girl who loves her couch time and hates being obligated to get dolled up for a Saturday night, but isn’t afraid to move off yonder, friendless and alone. Go figure. 

Well, it failed. Not only did I keep sleeping for a solid two minutes, despite the fact that it was going off. I also reset the entire alarm clock for an hour AND snoozed it after that. Yeah, about that run I was planning on doing this morning. 

Didn’t happen. 

WIW — The “I didn’t wake up early to go for a run” edition

• SW: 176
• LWIW: 164.9 (July 4)
• CW: 166.9
• Difference: +2
• Total: -9.1

Tonight, I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to bed earlier (busy, busy evening for mua), BUT I will be setting that alarm clock for 6:15 again. One of these days, it will happen — I will wake up early enough for a run. 

Cheers!

Hello. It’s been a while, I know. In the past few weeks (or maybe months), I’ve been high, and I’ve been low. I remembered what it was like to be happy, really, truly happy. I’ve remembered what’s it like to crush (I’ve also remembered what it feels like to learn you have absolutely no chance #whitegirlintocommittedguysproblems).

I’m also looking forward to things. My mom’s coming to town, and for the first time in a while, I’m excited about it. We’ll be biking around Chicago, visiting art museums, strolling street festivals and (hopefully) having a great time. 

In the past weeks, I’ve been on (mini)vacationing, having a blast at Lolla, giving up at work, trying to make it work at work, trying to be happy and trying to be stay afloat. I still have my moments, where I go back and forth. My moments where I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. But I’ve also had more moments where I feel like I’m on top. 

Throughout the highs and the lows, I haven’t been running. I haven’t been watching what I eat. I haven’t been losing weight. In fact, I’ve managed to do somewhat of the opposite. I’ve gained (an insignificant amount, in the scheme of things). Out of all the anticipation of my mother coming to visit, I’m also worried. 

I’m worried she’ll comment about my weight. I’m worried she’ll comment about my love life (or lack there of). I’m worried she’ll comment about my job. I’m worried she’ll comment about … really anything that could turn our great weekend into something less than thrilling. 

The last time she came out, I had my brother fly to town also. The time I saw her before that (over the holidays at some point), she called me fat — many a time. 

Despite all that she’s done and said, I can’t cut her out of my life. I can’t. She’s my mother after all, and I love her. That being said, it’s hard… to continually be let down or hurt by someone you’ve known your entire life. 

But just because we’ve been there, doesn’t mean it has to be a journey to there and back again. Eventually, we will figure it out. We’ll figure out how to be a functional mother-daughter duo. 

WIW — July 4, 2012 

• SW: 176
• LWIW: 164.2 (June 20, 2012)
• LWI: 164.9 (June 27, 2012)
• CW: 164.9
• Difference: +.7
• Total: -11.1

Eh… I spose overall, the fact that I didn’t gain anything all week wasn’t too shabby. I’ve been busy with moving and working, but I also feel like I’ve been cramming my face with all sorts of crap. 

I need the weather to cool down enough so I can actually go for a run. Oye. 

I failed.

Oh my good gosh, guess what just happened. In a moment of weakness, I splurged and grabbed a cookie from the cookie jar at work (yes, we actually have one). Deep down, I knew that though I was only grabbing one cookie, there was a slim chance it’d be my only one.

As I brought the cookie towards my mouth, my internal battle waged on: to eat the cookie or not to eat the cookie. Just as I was about to pop the little devil in my mouth, I decided “No!” and hastily brought my hand down.

The next thing I did was pop that sucker in the trash.

I’d like to call that a big whopping SUCCESS.