The Skinny on Me

I got home and immediately changed into running clothes, but then I didn’t run. Now, I’m sitting in bed, getting closer and closer to falling asleep, and I still haven’t gone for a run. Good job, Lauren. 

On the plus side, I stayed within my calories today. I also am posting another entry to tumblr. That’s 2-for-1 folks! Woot!

But really, diet aside, I need to get back on the running horse. 

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve lost my way. In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself employed with a “big girl” job, commuting an 1+ each way and struggling to find time for me. I’ve also been surrounded by sweets and treats and trying to avoid them as best I could (I mostly failed). 

Though I’ve somewhat inconsistently continued with my morning pages goal, I’ve posted less and less to tumblr. Truth be told, I miss tumblr. Tumblr is number one weight loss body. We all come together with a common goal and end up supporting each other in a way unlike any other. We understand each other’s pain, each other’s motivation, each other’s desire. 

I need that back in life. I need to find a time to sit and write how I feel and to recount how I did. I need the chance to own up to my failures so that I can improve my chances to succeed. 

I’m done missing tumblr. Welcome back, Lauren! 

In the anticipation/excitement of starting my new “big girl” job, I seriously underestimated the toll it would take on both my exercise routine and my eating habits. For starters, I’ve gone running once since I started my job. Although, I have also been sick since I started working too. 

On top of that, my eating habits this past week and a half have been out the wazoo bad. We’re talking real bad. Today, my goals were simple: 

• Don’t drink alcohol
• Leave one english muffin half untouched at breakfast (Eggs benedict… sauce on the side)
• Order fruit instead of the potatoes
• Maybe even skip the eggs benedict altogether…

I succeeded at one of them (no alcohol). 

I also overloaded on sushi — 1/2 California Roll, Tuna Roll and Salmon Avocado. It was delicious, but in the end, was it worth it? I know I would have been fine less one roll. So no, it wasn’t really worth it. 

I need to get back on track. I need to start running again. I gained a pound a half last week, and I am well on track to repeating that again this week. I worked hard. I was diligent. This is not the point to go and throw that all away. Even more, I — my hardest critic — was beginning to notice the changes. Why throw that away?

Remember how I felt over Thanksgiving? Remember what it was like to hear my own mother describe me as being fat, overweight and “getting bigger” continually over the break? Remember how I felt after downing too much Halloween candy? As painful as it may be, I need to remember all the things that pushed me in the first place.

And then, I need to remember all the things that happened after that made we want to keep going. I need to get back to that point. I can do it; I know I can. 

Tomorrow, I’m getting my trial membership to LA Fitness. Tomorrow, I’m running three miles. 

For the most part, I’ve already pre-planned my food for tomorrow:

• Breakfast: 2 turkey sausage links (7 am), egg (9 am), chobani (11 am)
• Lunch: 2 quinoa burgers, lettuce bun, tomato slices and a side of carrots (1 or 2 pm)
• Snack: low-fat string cheese (3 or 4 pm)
• Dinner: ???

Yes, I’m alive. Yes, I may have fallen off the wagon a little. Yes, I’ll probably be gaining weight this week. Yes, I haven’t run since Tuesday. Yes, I’m beginning to realize that managing a full-time job, an hour commute and a half-marathon training schedule is difficult. 

In my fairness, I’m sick. 

Tomorrow, I’ll get back to running. That, I promise. 

• SW: 176
• LWIW: 165.3
• CW: 164.6
• Difference: -0.7
• Total WL: 11.4 lbs

I did it!!

Day eleven: What are your family’s roommates eating habits like?

I don’t live at home, but for the purpose of this exercise, I’ll use my roommate. My roommate, D, like me, is also trying to lose weight. Though she only really needs/wants to lose 5-10 pounds, so it’s not as extreme as my own weight-loss efforts. 

We both cook healthy meals; we both try to eat things like 100 calorie kettle popcorn in place of whatever yummy morsel our sweet tooth is edging us for. We both eat smaller meals, more little snacks, throughout the day, rather than three basic meals. 

The only main differences are she is lactose intolerant, and I’m trying my darnedest to not eat processed carbs. 

Day twelve: What are your friend’s eating habits like?

Well, most of us are trying to be healthy. We all have our ideal shapes and sizes and none of us are at them. Although, most of my friends aren’t as overweight as I am. 

One of them is trying to boost her future housewife skills, cooking meals that may or may not be low fat, low cal or low carb, but delicious nonetheless. One of them is learning to cut out dairy and trying to eat less meat. One of them is trying to gain weight/muscle (my one skinny little guy friend). 

Luckily, none of my friends are the eat, eat, eat kind or the sweets, sweets, sweets kind. 

A few posts ago, I talked about starting another blog chronicling my efforts at my very own happiness project. Though I haven’t started the blog yet, I have begun a few of the steps. First, I’m reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, but y’all should already know that (assuming you read my first post). Secondly, I started writing morning pages (per the recommendation of Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity) 

Now you might be thinking, how did we go from “I’m afraid” to this happiness project mumbo jumbo to “higher creativity”? Well, I’m trying whatever I think might help, and if unblocking my creativity helps, that’s fantastic (it’s been way too long since I let my creativity go buck wild). The point is, I’m trying it. If you don’t try it, you’ll never know. 

Typically, you are supposed to write your morning pages (three of them) in the morning (go figure). This morning, I did just that. But then, after leaving the house for an informational interview, I realized that the sidewalks were too slippery for my run today and that they will most likely be the same, or worse, tomorrow. Problem? Yes. 

After much consideration, I decided my safest bet was to simply use a free 7-day trial at a gym down my street. This was perfectly all right until suddenly it wasn’t. I don’t know what changed, but something most definitely did. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel like running, I still do want to go for a run. It was more that I was well… afraid.

When I got home, I wrote a fourth morning afternoon page:

For some reason or another, I’m afraid to go walk my half-marathon-in-training ass to the gym (a mere two blocks away). I’m afraid they’ll judge me for being overweight. I’m afraid they’ll judge me for only needing to run 3 miles today. I’m afraid they’ll judge me for not knowing any strength-building exercises. I’m afraid they judge me after only running for about 35 minutes. I’m afraid.

I managed to somewhat talk myself out of it’s funk, and by the end of the page I was saying this:

…I’m still afraid, which is proof that I need to go. I need to go because exercise helps improve your mood. I need to go because losing weight helps improve your mood. I need to go because I’m the insecure one who judges people to make myself feel better. I need to go because I will be running that half marathon on April 1st. 

I will do it. Just do it. 

So now, I’m sitting in my kitchen dressed and ready to go, and I will be going. I just wanted to write this post first. As I said above, I’m still afraid they’ll judge. But my reasons for going are greater than any judgmental thoughts they might have (but even if they do, I’ll never know them). 

TTYL — after I kick ass at my three mile time! 

Day nine: What is your favourite food, healthy or unhealthy.

Geez, way to ask the super tough questions (i’m not kidding). Um. My favorite food… um… 

I guess I have a lot of favorites (probably the reason why I’m chubs in the first place). 

For a while, it was ice cream. I used to LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ice cream, as in crave it after each and every meal. Thankfully, I’ve fallen out of love with the sweet snack, though I still do crave it occasionally. 

So… what food(s) do I love:

• Ahi Tuna … seared to perfection
• Anything peanut butter
• Cheese… a good brie is to-die-for fantabulous

I think that’s it… or at least all I care to admit. Although, cupcakes might be on that list too (though they are more of a must-have item when my BFF and I are together, otherwise I’m fine without). 

Day ten: Do you eat breakfast? What do you usually have?

Yes, I eat breakfast. I am one of those people who can’t survive when I’m hungry. After a while, I go from simply being hungry to the low-blood-sugar queen of horrendous. So yes, I eat breakfast. 

Recently, I’ve become a Chobani girl. I love Chobani. I kid you not, on more than one occasion I buy 10-15+ things of Chobani when they go on sale. Yeah, I’m that girl. My favorite flavor? Raspberry. 

Today, for example, I had strawberry chobani and one turkey sausage patty. When I was working, I would typically shoot for a hard-boiled egg right before I left for work (or as soon as I got there) and then save my Chobani for a mid-morning snack (I waited until at least 10am before opening it). That usually held me over until lunch (which I typically ate around 1). 

I guess I forgot to tell you. On Monday, I officially started training for my half! 

As of today (luckily a rest day), I’ve already run 8 miles this week! Wootsy. Tomorrow, I start back up again with a 4 mile, which wouldn’t be so bad except the temperature is expected to drop about 30 degrees. Not so bueno. 

I can will do it! I will succeed! 

Yesterday, during my 5-mile run (longest run ever), I was shocked at a) how exhausted I was around the 3 mile mark, but how excited/energized I was around 4.5 miles. I ended up running 5.25 miles in 1:02:37. My goal was to get as close to an hour as possible, assuming my five-mile time would take me more than one hour. INSTEAD, my 5 mile mark hit at 59:45. Pretty damn close to, but STILL FREAKING LESS THAN ONE HOUR! 

Go me!