The Skinny on Me

A few posts ago, I talked about starting another blog chronicling my efforts at my very own happiness project. Though I haven’t started the blog yet, I have begun a few of the steps. First, I’m reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, but y’all should already know that (assuming you read my first post). Secondly, I started writing morning pages (per the recommendation of Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity) 

Now you might be thinking, how did we go from “I’m afraid” to this happiness project mumbo jumbo to “higher creativity”? Well, I’m trying whatever I think might help, and if unblocking my creativity helps, that’s fantastic (it’s been way too long since I let my creativity go buck wild). The point is, I’m trying it. If you don’t try it, you’ll never know. 

Typically, you are supposed to write your morning pages (three of them) in the morning (go figure). This morning, I did just that. But then, after leaving the house for an informational interview, I realized that the sidewalks were too slippery for my run today and that they will most likely be the same, or worse, tomorrow. Problem? Yes. 

After much consideration, I decided my safest bet was to simply use a free 7-day trial at a gym down my street. This was perfectly all right until suddenly it wasn’t. I don’t know what changed, but something most definitely did. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel like running, I still do want to go for a run. It was more that I was well… afraid.

When I got home, I wrote a fourth morning afternoon page:

For some reason or another, I’m afraid to go walk my half-marathon-in-training ass to the gym (a mere two blocks away). I’m afraid they’ll judge me for being overweight. I’m afraid they’ll judge me for only needing to run 3 miles today. I’m afraid they’ll judge me for not knowing any strength-building exercises. I’m afraid they judge me after only running for about 35 minutes. I’m afraid.

I managed to somewhat talk myself out of it’s funk, and by the end of the page I was saying this:

…I’m still afraid, which is proof that I need to go. I need to go because exercise helps improve your mood. I need to go because losing weight helps improve your mood. I need to go because I’m the insecure one who judges people to make myself feel better. I need to go because I will be running that half marathon on April 1st. 

I will do it. Just do it. 

So now, I’m sitting in my kitchen dressed and ready to go, and I will be going. I just wanted to write this post first. As I said above, I’m still afraid they’ll judge. But my reasons for going are greater than any judgmental thoughts they might have (but even if they do, I’ll never know them). 

TTYL — after I kick ass at my three mile time! 

I’m thinking about starting yet another blog. No, not another tumblr and not another weight loss blog, but rather my own happiness project of sorts.

As I mentioned, yesterday, I began reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Lately, I’ve also been following After the Artist’s Way, a blog by Janice MacLeod. In her blog, she originally made the resolution to continue with morning pages (see The Artist’s Way for more info) for an entire year. After the year, she’d managed to remove a lot of the sources of strife in her life. She quit her job. She got rid of unnecessary weight in her life. She began to create more art. She made plans to travel around the world.

For a while, I’ve known I’m not happy. For a while, I’ve been teetering on the edge of self-diagnosing myself with depression. That needs to change. I need to start seeing all the joy there is in life. I need to stop clinging to the couch all day because I’m lonely. I need to become the go-getter that I claim to be in job interviews.

With this new blog, I hope to chronicle my adventures as I fulfill my new year’s resolutions, try new things and most importantly, find out what makes me happy. What are my new year’s resolutions, you ask? Well, in honor of it being 2012, I have twelve:

• Run a half-marathon (April 1)
• Run a marathon (October 7)
• Get another tattoo
• Get a job
• Travel internationally
• Make bad decisions*
• Begin learning French
• Complete 52 weeks at bars (it’s a Foursquare thing)
• Take a photography course
• Take a cooking course
• Try out at least 52 new recipes (one a week)
• Fall in “like” with myself (AKA my own project happiness)

* Make bad decisions — For those of you slightly curious about this resolutions, let me share some light on it. Sometimes, doing the “right” thing can be boring or tedious. Sometimes, doing the “wrong” thing is actually the “right” thing for a completely different reason. No, I will not be robbing any banks or anything like that. Instead, I won’t always say “no” to the extra round of drinks or to making out with cute guy at the bar. Hopefully, that makes a little more sense.

As I start my project, I invite you to come along. It’s 2012. It very well may be the last year on Earth. Why waste it being unhappy and/or depressed?